Today is Valentine’s day. Some of you may think it’s too commercial, some of you might be leaving for a super romantic getaway with your partners. Some of you will be in a (happy) relationship while others, myself included, are single and plan on spending the evening with like-minded people. Whatever you choose to do: I hope you have fun doing it. Personally, I’ve been single for about a year and a half now and I don’t think that’s going to change any time soon. Meeting decent men isn’t as easy as I was lead to believe when I was younger but let’s not get into that right now. Don’t get me wrong though, I do want a relationship, it just has to be the right one. Allow me to divulge.
When you’ve been single for a while like me, you learn a lot about yourself and the relationships you’ve been in. You get a better idea of the type of person you are and the type of relationship you want. I, for example, realise you can’t change people. You can choose to willingly adapt yourself to someone else’s expectations, but truly changing who you are is pretty much mission impossible.
So, what is ‘the right’ relationship to me? I think balance is the key. It’s a relationship where both partners are equally invested to begin with. It’s a relationship that is based on open and honest communication. I think it’s so important you listen and pay attention to your partner. There’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re being ignored, like you’re not worthy of someone’s attention. It’s a relationship that’s affectionate and caring, with more than a good dose of fun. Not into spontaneous living room dance parties when you come home from work, pillow fights on Sunday mornings or pushing me around the grocery store on the back of the trolley every now and then? Sorry love, we’re just not going to work. It’s sharing interests and doing things together, but also giving each other the necessary space to go and do your own thing. It’s learning from each other and being the best version you can be. It’s pushing each other, being supportive and keeping each other grounded when needed. It’s me being the quiet to his storm and him being the push in my back and vice versa. Oh, and a healthy sexual relationship is pretty important too. A relationship with no physical attraction or really bad sex doesn’t have the best prospects (I’m just being honest here). So like I said, it’s all about balance people.
Now, I obviously haven’t met my future partner yet, so it’s hard to talk about him or what he’s like. I do however know what I’m like. So future partner, this is a little preview of what you’re getting yourself into:
I’m a dreamer and a thinker, which means I’ll probably think about you a lot, which is a testament to your awesomeness, well done you! It also means I might assume that you know what my expectations are, or how I would like you to be or react sometimes. This is, in all fairness, pretty hard to do if I don’t give you any indications. So if I do these things, just tell me you can’t read my mind and I will tell you.
Being a dreamer also means I’m not much of a doer most of the time, so I might tell you about all my crazy ideas, plans and desires and not do anything with them. Please be patient, don’t be afraid to keep me grounded or give me a little push in the right direction when needed. I’m afraid of failure at times but knowing you’ve got my back will reassure me.
I’m going to need you to kill spiders for me because they terrify me, and to stroke my neck and back because it makes me feel safe and secure. I’ll be running my fingers through your hair and touching your butt regularly in return, just so you know. I’m also expecting lazy mornings, city trips and late night sing-a-long sessions. In return I’ll watch that movie you really want to see and I’ll make you soup when you’re feeling poorly.
There’s a good chance I’ll get jealous at some point, or that I’ll pick a fight, or maybe I’ll go a little quiet. Please don’t get mad at me for this. I will feel a little insecure at times and I might not be able to express this to you in the best possible way. I’m working on that as we speak, and I’ll try to be better at this by the time we meet, but I can’t promise you anything.
I know there’s going to be hard times. We’re going to argue, we’re going to get stuck in a routine, we’re going to meet and maybe even fancy other people. Promise me we’ll never go to bed angry, that we’ll try and talk things through and never lose sight of how good we are together. That we’ll keep in mind that something that might seem new and exciting at first won’t stay that way. Promise me we’ll never make each other second best. In the end all I can say to this is: I hope I’m the one you want to come home to every night, the one you want to tell that crazy story to, the one you want to take to the movies and the one you want to kiss until you can’t see straight.
I’ll be seeing you.
Happy Valentine’s day to all of you!