Let’s talk about insecurities and fear of failure

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I have quite a special relationship with my own brain. You see, I am fully aware of the fact that I can’t always trust it. It’s not always kind to me, and sometimes it just straight up lies to me. A lot of people aren’t aware of the fact that their brain is, in fact, an ass. I am aware of this and I’m not afraid to examine my own thinking process and the emotions that come with it. Human psychology is just so darn fascinating. After quite a few years of examining my brain-workings, I have come to a few insights about me as a person. I am confronted with insecurities on a regular basis, combined with an occasional fear of failure. Let’s dive into those insecurities first, shall we?

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Let’s talk about the ‘right’ relationship

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Today is Valentine’s day. Some of you may think it’s too commercial, some of you might be leaving for a super romantic getaway with your partners. Some of you will be in a (happy) relationship while others, myself included, are single and plan on spending the evening with like-minded people. Whatever you choose to do: I hope you have fun doing it. Personally, I’ve been single for about a year and a half now and I don’t think that’s going to change any time soon. Meeting decent men isn’t as easy as I was lead to believe when I was younger but let’s not get into that right now. Don’t get me wrong though, I do want a relationship, it just has to be the right one. Allow me to divulge.

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My La La Land Disillusion

 

As I’m writing this, I’m fresh out of the cinema, where I just saw La La Land, the first movie in years to score 14 (!) Oscar nominations. Pretty crazy, especially when you think about the fact that it’s a musical. I personally love musicals, like the really old black and white ones, with gorgeous women  and handsome men, and romance oozing out of every pore. Show me a movie with Gene Kelly and I’ll swoon from the moment it opens until I see ‘The End’ appear, and quite some time after. I know musicals aren’t for everybody, and I get that, but it’s pure escapism to me. It’s a dream world where everything turns out just the way it’s supposed to. And that is exactly why I feel completely disillusioned at this moment. I am going to issue a spoiler alert here: don’t read any further if you haven’t seen the movie and it’s on your to-do list.

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Let’s talk about adulthood

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When I was younger, I had this image in my head about what my life would be like in ‘The Future’. I’d graduate, find a job I loved right away, I’d meet my Mister Perfect at school, we’d date for a few years, move in together and eventually buy a place together, get married and have babies. I imagined all of this would happen by the time I was 25. Baby number two would come age 27 and I would pretty much have my shit together for the rest of my life. I am currently 27 and I can tell you one thing: none of this has happened. My shit is nowhere near together.

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